The Making Of A Construction Legend

Genesis 4:1-17

Recently it was my pleasure to spend a few hours in the presence of Mr. Cain, Chairman and CEO of Cain Construction, Inc. Although he operates the largest construction company in the city of Enoch, which he built, life was not always easy for Mr. Cain. The inspirational story of how he overcame the hardship of a troubled family and a youthful indiscretion should be required reading for every business administration major.

"My family was very poor," he says. "At one time my parents lived in the Garden of Eden, unable to even afford clothing, but because of some diet problem, they were expelled. Naturally the concept of 'work' was foreign to them, and at first they had a very hard time making a living. However, they must have had some spare time, probably because they no longer had to worry about getting names for all the animals and plants and things, so during this time they invented sex. Shortly thereafter I was born, to be followed soon by my brother, Abel."

Mr. Cain and his brother got along very well during this period. In spite of having to take on rather heavy chores at an early age, they did the same things that boys of today do.

"We played games like hide and seek, tag, kick the wicket, held peeing contests behind the rock, and just about everything else young boys do, except talk about girls, because we had never heard of them."

When the boys got old enough to leave home, they became the first entrepreneurs. Mr. Cain became a farmer, and Abel went into the sheep business. But being in different lines of work didn't stop them from competing with each other.

"After God kicked my parents out of the Garden," Mr. Cain continued, "they tried to get back in His good graces, so they started sacrificing things to Him. Abel and I continued the practice, and that's when the trouble started.

"I picked out some of my best produce: the golden wheat with the full heads, the best ears of corn and the finest strawberries, and presented them to Him. He seemed pretty happy with my gifts, and then Abel walked in with one of his scrawny little lambs. God loved it - He couldn't get over how wonderful it was. Abel didn't have to know diddly for his job; all he had to do was follow his flock around all day and enjoy the sunshine, while I had to work my ass off getting my stuff to grow, protecting it from too much sun, too much rain, too much cold. I had to learn all about the seasons, when to sow and when to reap, how much and what kind of fertilizer to use, all kinds of scientific stuff; and He goes gaga over a crummy lamb. Well, you don't need to be a psychologist to understand why I went ballistic!"

In spite of being very upset, Mr. Cain kept his emotions under control for several days. Then an event occurred which led to a major change in his life.

"I finally decided the best thing would be to tell Abel how I felt. He laughed at me! One thing led to another; he said I was just mad because mom always liked him best, and I told him dad always stuck up for him. Soon it began to get ugly, and when I accused him of doing more with his sheep than just watching them, he took a swing at me! The next thing you know, we were rolling around trying to get at each other's throat!

"He was pretty strong, and soon he was sitting on my chest trying to choke me to death! I reached out and found a rock, and smashed it down on his head! There is no doubt in my mind that it was self defense!

"I knew immediately he was badly hurt, because blood spurted out of his nose and mouth and ears! His skull was cracked open so that I could see some of the gray stuff inside! He was dead! I got really scared, so I buried him and ran away and hid."

As you might expect, God soon found out what had occurred, and naturally He was quite upset by the whole affair.

"God came looking for his favorite," Mr. Cain continued, "and asked if I had seen Abel. I told Him Abel was a big boy now, and I had more to do than look after my little brother all the time. But He figured out pretty quickly what had happened.

"He put a curse on me, and told me I wouldn't have any luck at farming from then on. He also told me I would be a fugitive, and everyone would know what I did. Well I figured mom and dad would find out pretty soon anyway, and as far as I knew, we were the only people around."

Not wanting to face his parents, however, Mr. Cain took a trip east to the land of Nod to see what was going on there. As you can imagine, he was very surprised to find that there were many other people around.

"I figured He was trying to overcome the sloppy workmanship He did on my family," Mr. Cain continued with a smile on his face.

Fortunately for us here in Enoch, Mr. Cain chose another line of work. The building boom was going strong, so Mr. Cain soon found work in the construction business.

"There was this one girl who kept walking by the construction site, and she was definitely looking at me. Not having known any woman except mom, I didn't know what to expect, but one of my coworkers quickly explained the facts of life to me, and then I understood why I had been feeling so restless lately.

"This girl had the shiniest black hair, the bluest eyes, and the longest legs I had ever seen, and I soon got up the nerve to ask her out to dinner. One thing led to another, and the following June we were marching to the altar."

Mr. Cain's son, Enoch, was born the following March, and that event gave Mr. Cain a whole new outlook on life.

"I now had a family to support, so I decided to go into business for myself. I soon got my contractor's license. I had my eye on a tract of land in the southeast corner of the Nod valley, where the environmental regulations were much less restrictive and the licensing procedures were much simpler than they were in Nod city.

"Before long I had accumulated enough money to move my family there and start building a new city. It took a while, but the city of Enoch was the crown jewel of the land.

"Mary Beth and I never had any more children, but my son started quite a long line, and I never was lonely again. The rest, as they say, is history."

Mr. Cain eventually contacted his parents again, and found that with the arrival of his little brother, Seth, they were no longer bitter about the incident with Abel.

"Would you believe that mom and dad are over eight hundred years old, and mom is pregnant again. I now have brothers and sisters up the yin yang, most of whom I never met, although occasionally some of them visit me.

"For dad's last birthday I sent him a box of condoms. I hope he takes the hint, because mom is getting too old for this sort of thing."

On behalf of the city of Enoch, this writer wishes to thank Mr. Cain for all he has done for us, and hopefully he will continue to be prosperous for many years to come.

To The Top

Joe And Buffy

Genesis 39:1-22; 40:1-4

There is presently a young man (I'll call him Joe) unfairly imprisoned in the guard house of the local Army post. I say unfairly because for one thing, he is a civilian, therefore he is not subject to Army rules. Second, his whole life has been a history of betrayals by loved ones, and it is such a betrayal which got him into his present predicament. Third, I am afraid he has fallen in with some bad company. And last, in this age of enlightenment, I think the punishment is extremely excessive for what small offense he has committed, especially since he was literally seduced into this so-called "crime" by another who has got away scot free.

Joe was originally purchased from a bunch of traveling traders, to whom he had been sold by his brothers, to serve as a slave in the house of Potiphar, an officer in Pharaoh's army. Since he had a flair for organization, he soon worked his way up through Potiphar's household hierarchy to become the head butler. As such, he was in charge of all the other servants and the overseer of all the household duties and expenses.

Potiphar is often away on campaign for long periods of time, and on one of these trips he plundered a young lady who presented him with a disease which left him incapable of performing some of his more important husbandly duties. As a result, at the age of 47 he has let himself go to pot, so to speak, and his five and a half foot torso now tips the scales at 235 pounds, his beard, which he never trims or combs, has grown long and tangled, and his personality, which at one time was quite amiable and pleasant, has become surly and even belligerent. His usual response to any remark directed at him is a cross between a grunt and a snarl. Under the circumstances I can hardly blame him.

Naturally, this has led to a great deal of annoyance and frustration on the part of his 27 year old wife, Buffy, who has taken great pains to let him know how much she is suffering. Since Viagra will not be invented for another 3,000 years or so, there is not much Potiphar can do except spend even more time on campaigns.

It didn't take Buffy very long to notice Joe, who was a naive 19 years of age. With his long black hair, dark flashing eyes, straight teeth and clean shaven, ruddy cheeks, he could make any young girl's heart pound by simply smiling at her. Add to this the fact that he spent much of his free time working out in Potiphar's private gym, thus draping his 6'1" frame with a 44" chest, a 30" waist, and biceps with which he had reputedly once strangled a lion, and he presented a package which soon became irresistible to Buffy.

She began giving him little hints of some special services she wished him to perform. For example, she would leer at him and say things like, "It sure is dull around here. Can't you come up with anything exciting to fill up my time?" Or at dinner she would say, "My cup is as empty as can be. Won't you please fill it for me?" Naive though he was, Joe was not stupid, and he knew that if he gave in to her his cushy job was ended if Potiphar found out.

One evening while Potiphar was away, Buffy was entertaining a few of her lady friends at dinner, and as usual, Joe was attending to the meal. As the evening progressed, Buffy raised her cup of wine and said, "Let's have a toast to the excellent service Joe is providing. Joe, you have to drink with us." As everyone knows, when one proposes a toast, it is the custom to completely empty the cup, so Joe had to have a cup of wine with the ladies.

Sensing some fun, the other ladies got into the act by offering more toasts which included Joe. Unaccustomed as he was to drinking, by the time four or five toasts had been proposed, he was quite tipsy.

When the ladies had gone home, Buffy said to Joe, "There seems to be a leak at my window, and cold air comes into my room. Please see if you can find the hole and plug it for me."

Joe went to get his tools, and when he arrived at Buffy's room, she said, "This robe is so uncomfortable." With that she released a clasp at her neck and the robe fell to the floor, leaving her completely nude. Joe gasped! He had often admired her long golden hair, her eyes of the deepest blue, and her pouting, ruby red lips, but he had never imagined beauty like this in his wildest dreams.

Her breasts were like large grapefruit halves, and her skin, the smoothest he had ever seen, was pure ivory in color. And then there were those long, long, long legs reaching to the floor.

He tried to leave, but in his befuddled state of mind, his legs refused to cooperate with his good sense. When she reached out to him he gave in, dropped his robe, and jumped into her bed. The two of them made love as if they were rabbits which had been isolated in adjoining cages for two years. By morning they were both exhausted, but she made him promise to come back that night for another session.

For several weeks they continued their nightly meetings. One night, however, as they were exploring a fantasy he had discovered in some literature he had been studying, they heard a noise at the door. Grabbing his sandals Joe dived out the window, and by creeping behind the bushes he managed to get to his cabana without being seen.

In the meantime, Buffy's maid came into the room, and was embarrassed to find her mistress awake. "Oh Madam," she said. "I found your bracelet in the dining room and thought I could return it to your dresser while you were asleep." Spying Joe's robe draped over the back of a chair, she asked, "Is everything alright?"

Afraid the maid would suspect what had been going on, Buffy said, "No. Joe came in through my window and raped me. When he heard you coming he went back out the window. I'm so embarrassed. Please don't tell anyone."

"Oh no, Madam," the maid said. "But you should tell your husband when he gets back."

"Of course I will," Buffy replied.

Naturally the maid couldn't wait to tell the other servants on the night shift, and by morning everyone on the estate knew about it.

It so happened that Potiphar returned from the wars that very day, and of course he heard the story as soon as he arrived inside the gate. Rushing to Buffy's side, he demanded to hear about the rape from her own lips. By this time she had greatly enlarged upon the story, and as she told it, adding intimate details here and there, Potiphar grew angrier and angrier. First he turned red, then purple, then began swearing great epithets against the man he had 'taken in' and 'trusted completely' and 'left in complete charge of the household.'

Rushing to Joe's cabana, Potiphar dragged him down to the post which he commanded, and threw him in a cell, where he remains to this day.

Joe is not as unhappy as one might expect, however, since he has met Pharaoh's cupbearer and chief baker, and together the three of them are exploring some new fantasies with which Joe has come up, so to speak.

To The Top